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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.